The Sound of Music

These little bits are from a men's lifestyle magazine. The order of the day was: short, breezy, jokey. By jokey, they meant the lowest common denominator jokes. I'm not going to pretend this is my shining moment, but sometimes ya gotta play the cards you're dealt.

HED: The Sound of Music

DEK: Lock and load your AK-47 with an MP3 player.

by Dave Gerardi

Like a little mood music during drive-bys? One U.K. company's got your back: Audiobooksforfree.com offers a portable MP3 player built into the ammunition magazine of an AK-47. Like the Internet and pay-per-view porn, you'll wonder how you lived without it. The assault rifle holds up to 9,000 songs or 3,000 hours of audio books. Perfect listening as you line up Bambi's mother for the kill shot.

HED: Get Inside Her

DEK: Miniature camera captures your most personal moments.

by Dave Gerardi

Looking to snap some intimate shots of that special someone? Recently tested in the U.S., the M2A capsule is essentially a pill-sized camcorder that will get you into her most private cavities. Once swallowed, the instrument sends a photograph every half-second to doctors now at an arm's distance from the patient. Just be careful they don't wind up on the internet.